Away With My Heart - Paily 4x11
by paily-pll
Summary: After the incredibly cute dance of 4x11 comes to an end, what happens next? Is the moment just over with the awkwardness returning? Can Paige and Emily finally talk and work things work? What did Emily actually mean when she said she didn't want to be left with mushy squash...? My continuation of 4x11. Follows the show up until that point :-)


"Do you… Can we… do you want to go outside?"

It's stuttered so quietly that if It wasn't directly into Paiges ear, she's sure she'd never have heard it. But still, she has no idea what words were delicately whispered into her ear as her back had been turned because suddenly as she turned back, there Emily was again. Suddenly Paige was wrapping her arms around Emily and holding her close once more. Her heart was racing. Emilys warmth radiated around her and she couldn't quite work out how she got there but in that moment she couldn't be happier. The evening had been a major bust and yet suddenly there she was, dancing with the one reason she'd ever wanted to actually buy chaps.  
Continuing to dance, it wasn't until Paige spun Emily again that she registered the drop of the cute smile to a concerned expression…

"Sorry, what did you say?" Paige whispered into the back of Emilys neck as she held her again and didn't for a second miss the shiver that rolled over Emilys body.

Emily tried to shake it off but couldn't help it. The sudden onslaught of feelings rolled underneath her skin and halted any other thoughts except '_keep dancing, keep dancing'_. But as the song had started to come to an end, she knew she didn't want it to be over, she knew she had to keep Paige close. It was the first time she had felt anything other than fear in days.

"I said… do you want to go outside?"

Emily had turned to face Paige, hand still holding tight with the song fading and it didn't seem like a totally random question. Yet the expression on Paiges face showed it wasn't what she had expected.

"I… I er…I don't know. Do I?" Paige stuttered as the moment was broken and it made Emilys stomach drop.

Emily knew Paige was expecting the worst, something bad. She knew how their last few conversations had gone and she felt awful that all Paige now expected was to be hurt or shut down. The dance floor began to fill up once more as another song hit the speakers and Emily drew her eyes back to Paige. Still holding her hand tight, Emily looked at her expectantly before she tugged slightly and waited to Paige to follow. There had been a momentary pause but Paige accepted and followed her out of the barn.

The noise had drifted into the distance but Emily kept slowly walking, just a step ahead of Paige. She kept a hold of one of Paiges hands and hated the fact that Paige was barely holding on. Paige had held her so tight as they danced and yet now Emily had to concentrate on not letting go even a fraction, or she expected Paige to pull away.

They reached a clearing in the wood surrounding the barn that was still well lit and since Emily had had no idea where she was walking to anyway, her feet slowly came to a halt. Paige dropped in behind her and stayed silent as Emily took a deep breath and turned to face her. Emily stuttered to speak but found no words. She couldn't think of anything that could explain what was going on with her right now. She had tried early and evidently sounded completely intoxicated. Paige lowered her gaze to their hands and suddenly still holding on so tight felt awkward to Emily, a feeling that action had never caused and she shut her eyes in frustration as she felt Paige lower her hand away.

"Look Em…" "Paige I…"

Both the girls spoke in unison, gazes towards the ground before locking eyes.

"Sorry, you go first…" Emily offered and Paige smiled lightly.

"….And we come full circle" Paige mumbled under her breath as Emily looked at her confused. "… the karaoke night, you said the same thing. And I've kind of always seen that as the start of us…"

"And this is what..?" Emily asked instantly, not missing a beat at the insinuation.

"I don't know Emily… you tell me."

"…Ergh I don't know" Emily sighed frustrated as she turned her back and took a few steps away.

She'd moved to the edge of the clearing with trees lined behind her and as turned back and saw the look on Paiges face, it felt like the clearing was closing in around her, the look alone crushed around her chest. A look of conclusion, of acceptance and of deep pain. Something she had seen slowly build in the last few weeks.

"And I don't know how I can talk to you whilst I'm dressed like a cow girl…" Emily tried to laugh, trying but failing to lighten the situation just enough for her to catch her breath. But found nothing but a small tug from Paiges mouth in response.

Latching onto how Paige had held her tight, how Paige had been nothing but sweet to her the past few weeks, Emily rallied the feeling and continued, trying just once more to lessen the tension in the air.

"Do I need to get you to dance again to see you smile…?" Emily asked softly.

Initially it was light hearted but whilst asking, Emily realised the depth of their current situation. They used to smile at just the mention of the others name and yet she knew it had been far too long since she herself had smiled with Paige.

"No… but apparently I do." Paige replied and Emilys breath choked in her throat. She knew Paige was right but before she could answer, Paige had turned her back and leant against a nearby tree, distancing herself further before turning to face her. "And I never meant to not support you and your recommendation letter or what Zoe said. It's great and you more than deserve it, I didn't…"

"No Paige" Emily interrupted, unable to stand and watch Paige take the blame, watch her retreat back into the vulnerable, self conscious version of the Paige she first came to know.

"It wasn't you. None of this has been you. It's me" Emily added as she quickly crossed the distance between them and pulled Paiges hand into her own. She waited for Paige to raise her eyes before she added, "And I'm sorry".

Paige took a deep breath and felt the warmth of Emily flow through her.

"… Is all this about Stanford or is this -A? Because Em, you can tell me about all of that stuff… Or are you just done because…"

"Paige, I'm not done." Emily interrupted again and reached for Paiges free hand, holding them both tight before repeating, "I'm not done".

Emily heard her own confidence in her words and realised it was the first thing she had been certain of for weeks. She didn't know why or how but she knew she wasn't done. She may have thought they should be over, but now she knew it didn't matter what she _thought_. What she _knew_ was that she didn't want to lose Paige. She couldn't.

"You're sure?"

"God Paige, yes I'm sure" Emily sighed in amazement at how stupid she'd been as she pulled Paige into her, wrapping her arms around Paiges neck as she held her close. "It's the only thing I am sure of" she whispered into Paiges ear and this time it was Paige that shivered.

As they pulled apart, Paige scanned Emilys face searching for any sign of doubt. When she found none she finally held Emilys hands tight in her own. She finally felt whole again and trusted Emily. She trusted that no matter what was going on, if Emily still wanted her, then they could sort it out. As they stood together, staring into each others eyes, silence slowly grew around them and Emily felt her heart finally settle. Paige was the only one that could calm her down but make her heart race in an entirely different way. And with the way Paige instantly accepted her assurance, she remembered what was important.

"I love you okay?" She nudged and Paige finally smiled. It was heartfelt and loving and only slowly dropped as she replied.

"Then you've gotta talk to me Em. I'm such a mess right now... I don't know what we are anymore and it's worse than losing you. Not knowing whether I have or not…." Paige paused as she lifted her ducked gaze for just a second, trying then to shake the sadness off her skin as she saw the pain in Emilys face. "I mean we had race practice yesterday and I got up on the block for a backstroke start… I'm losing my mind" Paige laughed lightly and saw Emily try her best to smile. "Just talk to me Em…"

"I want to, I need to… I just don't know how" Emily said as she moved to lean on the tree behind Paige, keeping their hand hold tight but sighing deeply as she contemplated how to start. "… you know that feeling you've had, about not knowing whether we're over or not?" Emily questioned hesitantly, swallowing hard at the mention of them being over. But Paige nodded almost imperceptibly and Emily continued. "It's how I feel too. And I feel like after everything that was said and the lake house, if I say anymore than I'm going to find out the answer and maybe it's not going to be want I want to hear."

Emilys eyes refused to move from the ground as she stared at Paiges feet throughout. She heard Paige sigh a little and finally raised her gaze to speak. Deep down she knew what had been going on with her, she was so scared. Scared of not being enough, scared of losing Paige and she had subconsciously started to push Paige away. She knew it was a classic. That maybe if you push away the person that you most care for, before they hurt you, then you can save yourself of the pain and heartache you predict is to come… but what if that prediction had been wrong all along?

"After everything that's happened, that _is_ happening… I can't lose you too" Emily spoke almost to herself.

"Emily…." Paige sighed with a smile. Just like the night Emily had revealed how she'd got injured, it reassured Emily, she could see the emotion in Paiges eyes. "… I never said I was done. Ever. I told you we'd find another dream, that we already had a life together, just you and me… didn't I?" Paige questioned not in accusation but clarification, to remind Emily exactly what she had said.  
"Didn't I?" she repeated, bringing Emilys eyes back to her own.

"…Yes"

"So then talk to me, because I'm still here" Paige stated as Emily watched her.

"You're still here, but soon enough you won't be…" Emily paused, looking away and felt the ache in her chest. Instantly Paige attempted protest but Emily carried on, "No, I didn't mean… I'm not blaming this on you leaving. It's just the truth." Emily faltered as she tried to reassure Paige she wasn't accusing her, but it was the simple fact that had been haunting her for weeks.

"Just because I'm not by your side Em, doesn't mean I'm not here" Paige spoke as she held Emilys hands even tighter.

"I know… and that's what makes this so much worse. We're finally in a place where everything is going right. For us atleast, and…. And now this". Emily mumbled as she battled with her emotions.

"Maybe this isn't such an awful thing Emily." Paige stated slowly and it made Emily swallow deep, her chest throbbing but her head confused as she still saw such loving eyes looking back at her. Paige smiled slightly, "I don't mean us being apart is a good thing. It's going to hurt like hell, and I'll miss you like crazy…" Paige continued as she stepped closer to Emily. "But you wanted a life, just you and me, together… This is life Em, we can't be stuck in our own little bubble, all be it a -A crazed bubble, that we are now. Life begins after highschool right?" Paige nudged as she moved as close as she could get.

"I can't even begin to think about what life is going to be after school…" Emily sighed but refused to move her eyes from Paiges.

"Well then, we need to come up with that new dream of ours, because we both need something to focus on. Just you and me remember?" Paige smiled and Emily sighed slowly.

"I hope so…." Emily breathed out, her worries still fermenting inside of her as Paige looked at her questioningly. "I just don't want you to go to and realise that I'm not everything you need. Or want. I don't want us to feel that we carried on with something because it was easier than the pain of trying to end it, even if it wasn't going to work."

"Is that how you feel? That you're only keeping this going because it's too painful to break up…?" Paige suddenly asked without a breath as she took a step back.

"No, God no I didn't mean that. I just… I don't want our decisions now to be dictated by what's happening, by college and distance. It shouldn't be about that..." Emily rambled and Paiges shock settled and she slowly started to understand.

"Is this about squashed vegetables again?" Paige smiled lightly, still with a step between them as she watched Emily.

"Paige, I just… I'd thought that maybe me not being able to go with you was somehow meant to be. That the situation meant that we couldn't be together anymore. But I know now that I can't let things around me to choose something that is up to me. I realised as soon as I saw you tonight that I was just afraid that I'll be the decision you never chose to end…"

Emily looked to the floor as she spoke but could feel that Paiges eyes never left her. Emily took a deep, shaky breath and Paige could feel Emilys hands tremble in her own as she waited for her to explain. Paige was fairly sure by now where it all had been coming from but she needed Emily to say it. And she knew Emily needed to admit it…

"…That when you leave, I'll be the one you settled for, the decision you felt you couldn't undo, the wrong choice you made…"

Suddenly Paige was moving and any words left to be said were instantly silenced as Paige kissed Emily quiet.

Paige knew Emily better than she knew herself and she had been as sure as she could be that Emily had been trying to protect herself… The way Emily had brushed her off and shut her down, and yet still looked at her for longer than usual, shivered when Paige touched her and internally scolded herself anytime she knew she'd hurt Paige.

Paige knew Emily feared being left. After Alison and Maya, it wasn't surprising. And this time Emily was sure she could see it coming. And the simple reaction is to push them away before they can hurt you. But that never works. And as Emily had tried to explain, Paige knew more than ever how much Emily actually cared for her, how much her feelings for her dictated every action and decision she made, even when Emily made the wrong ones.

Emily moaned out her next word as Paiges lips hit hers and their bodies pressed together. Paige kissed her firm, stepping into Emily and moving a step further until Emilys back pressed into one of the tress behind them. Emilys hands fumbled as she tried to hold onto Paige, tried to wake up from the daze she was in at how suddenly Paige had kissed her. She was barely reciprocating until Paige captured her bottom lip between her own and attempted to deepen the kiss. Emily needed no further encouragement as she grasped at Paiges hips and kissed her fully. Paiges hand was at the back of Emilys neck, holding her close as she slowed the kiss and soothed the pain of Emilys previous worries with everything she could muster.

Paige pulled away and lowered her forehead to Emilys as she felt their breathing match in quicker pace. She removed her supporting hand from the tree behind them as she moved back an inch. She placed her fingertips under Emilys chin and raised the girls head until she was looking at her, eyes black and pupils dilated. Paige swallowed hard at the sight.

"Em, you have nothing to worry about. I love you, only you." Paige spoke softly, her breath pouring over Emilys lips as Emilys heart continued to race. "You're right about something… you are the decision I can't undo. But not because you're the wrong choice, for decidedly the opposite".

Emily slowly smiled, she loved hearing Paige talk that way about her. She could see it and feel it in every moment and every word that flowed from Paige. Paige was and always had been controlled by her emotions. And Emily loved that all she had to do was look at Paige to realise how much she meant to her.

"Em, you're the only decision I could ever make because you're the one for me. There isn't anyone else and there couldn't ever be ok? We're human, and life throws horrible things our way. But I know I won't ever want anyone as much as I want you. I won't love anyone as much as I love you. Not ever."

And then it was Emily moving, pulling Paige back into her as she kissed her short and quick.

"And I thought I was the doubter in this equation…" Paige smirked light heartedly as Emily stepped back a little.

"You thought wrong." Emily spoke low, her new smile faltering slightly and the admission connected straight to Paiges heart. "You may have been once but…"

"And if you remember rightly," Paige interrupted, "I tried pretty much everything I could not to like you. Not to feel the way I've always felt about you… but I knew I was a goner from the start." She laughed lightly and Emily smiled again.

"A goner eh? From the very start?" Emily laughed, trying to hide her need to hear that again. But Paige stepped in again and took Emilys hands in her own, eyes locked.

"From the moment you rejoined the swim team, and every moment since". Paige replied sincerely and it made Emilys head spin and her smile finally felt like it was there to stay. Paige smiled before tugging on her hand. "Common, what d'you say to getting back on that dance floor one more time? I've got some moves to show you!" Paige laughed as she let go of Emilys hands but suddenly looked serious as Emily doubted her.

Emily had been so wrapped up in the moment that she barely realised how easy dancing with Paige had been. How Paige knew the exact steps yet she knew Paige'd never once line danced. Slowly though as Paige quirked her eyebrow and turned, Emilys draw dropped. Paige effortlessly tapped and spun out more moves than Emilys own dad had ever taught her.

Paige stopped a couple of meters away and turned to face Emily. She laughed when she saw the shocked expression.

"It's honestly unbelievable what You Tube can teach you…" she smiled as she held out her hand for Emily.

Emily laughed aloud, unable to even fathom the fact Paige had taken to You Tube to learn how to dance purely for her and the dance that night. She quickly skipped her way to Paige but ignored her hand as she wrapped one arm around Paiges waist and walked tight by her side back to the barn, finally settled and happy in the arms of the one person she could call home.

* * *

_I don't think the PLL writers could ever write enough Paily for me but I sooo wanted to know what would happen when the song ended and my brain continued this scene without my acknowledgement. Suddenly there it was! So hopefully y'all like... review e.t.c please, lemme know! :-)_


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